Heart in a Blender: Robin
by Kenji Star
Summary: One shot Robin sits at night and thinks about one question, why? Why did Starfire have to love him? Why did she have to fall for someone who could never return her affections? And why does he silently wish that she'll never stop loving him?


A/N: Hmmm…even though my first Heart in a Blender wasn't successful at all, I felt that I should write another one just in case. Depending on my mood, I might just write one for a bunch of characters for the show. Currently I'm planning one for Beast Boy (Maybe 2 if I care enough to write one about Terra as well), Robin (it's set much earlier in the timeline than the current shows), Cyborg (I actually might enjoy this one more than I originally figured) and surprisingly enough, Terra (no matter how much I loathe her, she actually might make out to be an interesting write).

Oh yeah, I'm also basing this off the idea that Robin is Dick and not….crack his name escapes me, but the other Robin.

Anyway, don't own Teen Titans or characters affiliated with Teen Titans.

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Heart in a Blender: Robin

_She did it again…even if she doesn't realize it, she did it again._

Contrary to popular belief, Robin was not oblivious to the obvious affections of his alien teammate. He saw it as soon as the girl had started swooning over him like a love sick puppy even if she probably didn't even notice it.

_Why does she keep trying? Why wont she learn that I can't give her what she wants?_

He wanted nothing more than to just squash her feelings for him in one decisive blow. Destroy everything that she felt for him so that she would never even look at him as anything other than a teammate, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't bring himself to destroy the only thing that has loved him since his parents were killed. Sure there was the bat, but there wasn't ever really any love in that relationship. There was barely even the teacher/student relationship. To Robin, it felt more like he was a pawn than an actual person.

_All I can ever give her would never be enough…I cant be like other people, I can't show affection like everyone else._

Some people considered Raven to be the emotionless one of the group because she always talked in a monotone and tried her best not to show emotion. However, looking underneath appearances would reveal that it was not Raven who was emotionless, it was Robin. With Raven, she forced herself to only hide her emotions because of her powers. Yes it gave the appearance that she was emotionless, but she still felt. With Robin, he didn't hide his emotions, he destroyed them. To him, emotions were a sort of weakness that got in the way of getting a job done. For years he had gotten by on that logic, the logic that without caring about anything, you couldn't lose anything. He lasted on that logic until the Titans, until he had something to care about in his life other than himself.

_You don't deserve this Starfire, you don't deserve the way I treat you. You deserve someone who can actually show the love they feel._

After fighting it, fighting the idea that he was in love, he finally resigned to the fact that he felt for the female alien. It was unfathomable, unthinkable that he had fallen so quickly. A wall he had spent his entire life creating and it shattered in the blink of an eye and with it came the realization that he couldn't feel these things. Not because he was incapable, but because he didn't want to hurt her. Anyone he cared about on anything more than a professional level always ended up getting hurt, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to Starfire.

_Why did you have to fall for me? Why couldn't you have fallen for someone who would not hesitate to show you affection back? Why, of all the guys in the world, did you fall for the impossible one? For the one that has almost forgotten how to feel?_

It made no sense to Robin why she had fallen for him. He wasn't bubbly like her, he was rarely excited about anything other than crime fighting, a lot of people considered him to be broody and at times even chauvinistic, and to top it all off, he never cared. Several times during his time as a Titan he had sacrificed the good of the team in order to capture the bad guy. To his great displeasure, whenever he did do that the bad guy usually got away. So why? Why would she fall for him when there were so many other people in the world? He would brood over this question for days on end and no answer ever came from it. He was still left with what he had when he first started and what he first started with scared the hell out of him.

_If only she would just fall for someone else and forget about me. If she did that, she'd be much better off._

This line of thinking didn't help any either as it only created a new feeling that he also hated to accept, jealousy and fear. The idea that someone could just swoop in and take HIS Starfire away was enough to send Robin to the training room to beat up the punching bag that doubled as anyone and everyone that thought they could take Starfire away from him. Then there was the fear, the fear that such a thing was not only possible, but probable. He never showed any affection back other than the occasional slip and whenever that happened he'd come up with some lame excuse that would end up hurting her instead of helping. In any one-sided love there was a large chance that the one loving will eventually just give up. There's only so much hurt a person can take before they can't take anymore.

It was the fear that kept him awake on some nights. The fear that she might not love him when she woke up, that she might love someone else. What would he do if that happened? What would he do if she suddenly stopped loving him? Such a thing was unfathomable to him as he had grown so used to the way things were, he couldn't consider the idea of her not loving him. He knew it would eventually happen, but he wouldn't bring himself to actually think that it would happen anytime soon.

_I'm sorry Starfire. I love you so much, but I can't ever tell you that, I can't ever do it because I don't know how. One day you'll stop loving me, but until that day comes I'll selfishly pray that you never do stop loving me. For that love is the only thing that matters to me now. I would give up everything just to continue to see that smile that you only give to me. I know it's selfish, but I don't care about all that anymore. All I care about now is that something in this world loves me for more than just this stupid costume. Someone cares about Dick Grayson and not Robin for once and that was something I want to preserve, even if it means taking action to do so._

Yes, action. Action as in telling her his feelings before it was too late. It would be no simple feet, but he felt it was something he had to do. Not that he wouldn't put it off until the last second, until he knew that her feelings for him were dying, but he would do it. It was the least he could do for her after all the time she spent expressing her feelings without ever saying them. Until then he would still be aloof, still continue to feign ignorance. While he had resigned himself to saying that he loved her, a lifetime of being himself was something of a challenge to overcome. He would do it eventually, but like all things in his life, he wouldn't get it easily.

_I know it hurts Starfire, I know I hurt you, but hang on just a little longer. Just a little longer and I promise all that effort wont go to waste. Nothing will stop me from fulfilling this promise to you, not even myself._

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A/N: Weird ending no? Heh anyway, thanks for reading and drop a review. I know it's not formatted like the last Heart in a Blender, but unlike the last one, where Raven was doing something while thinking of her situation, Robin is basically just thinking about this stuff on one of those sleepless nights of his. Flames accepted, but I much rather prefer a compliment instead. 


End file.
